His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
