where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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