ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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