who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
