the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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