Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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