you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
