I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
