Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
