i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
