I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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