She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
