I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
