On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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