Tell her she can't have a vagina
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
