we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
