just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
