If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My ass is underappreciated
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
