My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
