You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Come share oat with me in your robe
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
