She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
