If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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