Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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