I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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