he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
