Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
