We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
