I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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