I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
