Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
