I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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