I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
