You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
