remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
