ugly people sure do ruin things
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
