i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She announced her abortion via fbk
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
