It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
