can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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