Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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