I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this just has baby written all over it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
