so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
