Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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