i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
