i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
