I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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