Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
