actually, I'm a sock model
someone threw a dead crab at me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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