We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
