He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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