After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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