I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
tell me about the fingering
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