I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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