I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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