okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
