The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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