Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
