I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
