Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
