I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
