covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
