I wish my penis had an off switch
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
