Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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