This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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